I am currently considering protesting the comic book industry. Actually, no, I don’t want to bring all of those guys down. After all, they are smart and creative enough that they could probably come up with some sort of genius, scientific and creepy way to eliminate my existence. Plus, my tiff is not with those kinds of comic books; they can continue on with their super heroes, villains and occasional love stories. More specifically, I am considering protesting Archie Comic Publications on the grounds that they are encouraging young men and women everywhere to make irresponsible life decisions.

This weekend, I discovered the horrifying news that Archie Andrews decided to marry Veronica Lodge over Betty Cooper. Now, to some of you these names and this issue may mean nothing, but I encourage you to educate yourselves and stand up against this atrocity. I have been reading Archie & Friends comic books since I was old enough to read and therefore old enough for my parents to use the downtown Houston Public Library as their free child care provider. Every day that my sister and I were dropped off, we would sneakily race to the comic book section, determined to get the newest Archie issue so we could ruin the end for the loser. Now, I wouldn’t consider myself a comic book nerd for reading these, because in reality, the series was just an introduction guide to understanding Seventeen Magazine; the same relationship drama was in every issue with a different title and every now and again there were  some quizzes and advertisements.

Every book, without fail, you could expect a clumsy, redhead, freckled face Archie to woo either Veronica or Betty, showing his affection to the best of his ability, only to decide in the end that he would be having a better time with the female that had been left behind. Every. Single.  Book.  Now I know, I should have gotten tired of this series probably after a good three months at the max, but I just wanted to know that Archie was going to pick the right girl, which was obviously Betty. Veronica was the wealthy, glamorous brunette, spoiled by her daddy, manipulative and any other adjective used to describe Paris Hilton. Betty was the girl next door type who could bake a cake, fix a car, help you with your homework, be stabbed in the back a million times by you and still be your friend. Why was Archie even having a moment’s hesitation? Despite the love triangle, the girls stayed best friends throughout every comic story (obviously a situation that could only be created in the fictional town of Riverdale) and patiently waited for Archie to make his decision.

Now I know that I should have been protesting long ago on behalf of fierce, independent women everywhere.  In what alternate universe, would it be realistic or helpful to portray two beautiful and talented women giving this man everything he ever dreamed of and waiting him for over 10 years, only to be rejected in the end? And yet, every issue, they’re still coming back for more-- obviously an exaggeration of one of the writer’s fantasies. But if I protested on that basis, I’d have to take on too many industries and that just seems tiring. However, I cannot stand by and watch Archie marry Veronica. This symbolizes to the world that in the end the rich always win, that men shouldn’t go after the woman with a kind, loving heart and good intentions, that ladies shouldn’t try to be that woman, and ultimately you should marry for the money. It’s not obvious to me now, but I’m sure there’s also a message about teens and drugs hidden there too: no man who wasn’t under the influence of some narcotic would choose Veronica. His decision is reckless, inconsiderate, irresponsible and just plain wrong.

So, I’m giving Archie Comic Publications a second chance. I know you all announced that the 600th book has Archie proposing to Veronica, but I suggest creating some sort of car accident, better job offer or epiphany that sets this horrific wrong right. An inconclusive end is not an option. If my demands are  not met, not only will millions of sweet little girls all across the world give up hope, but you’ll also be corrupting the youth, and then have me to deal with. Furthermore, my sister and I made a bet ten years ago about who would ultimately win Archie and I have a good amount of money and pride riding on Betty.  Expecting changes soon! Thanks!